Fall 2012

Fall 2012
[learning to live a perfectly imperfect life]

Being Okay With That

This time of year, I think a lot about traditions. Traditions are right up my alley... Consistent. Predictable. Orderly.

I try to create traditions for our kids. And I love doing so, especially with photos.  A photo of Rylee in front of her classroom in Kindergarten, 1st Grade, 2nd Grade. A photo of Carter wrapping presents when he was 3 years old, 4 years old.... it's so neat to see how the kids have grown and changed.

But these "traditions"? It's awesome when I can keep them up, but I'll be honest... they are a bit pressure-filled at times.

Ever since Rylee's first 4th of July, we started taking a family picture. (Okay, I'll admit... the first few years they were actually taken ON the 4th of July.  Another kid later and my goal was simply to take the picture in the month of July.  One month we actually took them at the beginning of August, but I still filed the photos in with my July photos.  I'm just a rebel like that.)

This summer, we didn't take one. Even as I type that, I have to fight the feeling of disappointment.  I want to cut myself some slack by reminding me that I felt miserable all summer with this pregnancy.  And though I think now it really wouldn't have been that big a deal to take 30 minutes one Sunday to take some pictures, at the time I remember it being an overwhelming task... one that was overshadowed by the daily must-dos.  (And believe me, I was feeling so rotten that the "must-dos" were all that made the "to-do" list!)

Though I believe the kids will value some of our traditions one day, the reality is that I am probably the only one who will notice if we don't always do things like we did before. (And even then, as I get older and my brain is challenged to recall whether I brushed my teeth or not, even I may not notice in 2012 we didn't take a 4th of July picture.)

I know the disappointment is soley mine. 

And honestly, I know that it isn't even all about the actual photos.  It's about the loss of control. The inability to have things consistent, predictable, and orderly.  All the time.

But, I am reminded time and time again that life isn't consistent, predictable, or orderly.

And I'm working, very hard, on being okay with that.

 * * * * *

Another family photo tradition is Thanksgiving... four years ago, just shortly before Thanksgiving, we got our dog Zoe, so we began a "tradition" of taking our pictures with her on the couch.  Nothing creative... no beautiful, natural light -- just simply the camera on auto with an unflattering harsh flash to capture those who would sit and smile... or just sit.

Thanksgiving 2008

Jordyn (13) Rylee (5) Carter (1) Zoe (a few months)


Thanksgiving 2010

Jordyn (15) Rylee (7) Carter (3) Zoe (2)

Thanksgiving 2011
Jordyn (16) Rylee (8) Carter (4) Zoe (3)

Thanksgiving 2012
Jordyn (17) Rylee (9) Carter (5) Zoe (4)


I'm not going to point out that, aside from the fact that we have no 4th of July family photo for 2012, we also do not have family+Zoe Thanksgiving photos from 2009.  (And I have no pregnancy-induced nausea to blame for that one.)
Life isn't consistentOr orderly.  Or predictable.
And I'm working, very hard, on being okay with that.

* After I posted this, I noticed one of the photos doesn't line up with the rest (though it shows that it does in my draft.)  It's also showing a much smaller font size than it's supposed to.  After 20 minutes of trying to fix things, the font is still too small, the photo is still not lining up.   Thanks Blogger.  I needed just one more reminder that life isn't orderly.


Sara Crane said...

Oh Carin - you are so not alone with every single aspect of this post. :-) I smile a small smile of simple understanding ~ from the photo traditions (missed and un-missed)... to somehow just figuring out how to be ok with it all... to the darn annoying blogger which chooses to post something different than what you painstakingly approved in your preview :-) Happy Thanksgiving - your family is so beautiful!