Fall 2012

Fall 2012
[learning to live a perfectly imperfect life]

Carter Flashbacks... and a Flash Forward

Here is my perfectly imperfect.... I had these photos in a folder to blog about -- in 2010.

So instead of feeling inadequate and remorseful about not blogging then... (okay, so I felt that way for a few minutes) I flipped the switch. Now, I'm celebrating the flashback -- remembering with such warmth and love the memories of Carter as a 2-and-a-half (ish) year old!

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Oh, there's just nothing like Daddy's tickles!

I loved it when Carter started giving the "thumbs up!" He still does it from time to time, like when we're out at a restaurant (okay, McDonalds) and he goes up all by himself to get more napkins (still in eyesight of me, of course) and he turns to me and gives me a thumbs-up, as if to say, "Look, Mom, I made it to the napkins all by myself. Everything is OK." Big kid, I tell ya.

Everything works better... feels better.... IS better... when you stick your tongue out just a little bit.

"Watch my airplane soar through the sky like this and ignore the food all over my face!"

Carter was (and still is) such a patient kiddo -- watching big sister at dance class through the glass...

and when he got bored, and the coloring books and toys we brought weren't enough, hanging upside down like a monkey got us through 'til the end of class!

Managing 2 kids in swimming lessons at the same time wasn't an option for me a few years ago... because, Rylee was a "flight risk" (those of you who have children like this need no further explanation) and Carter wasn't happy in the water unless I was just inches from him. So, here is Carter, watching Rylee swim... yearning to go in the water himself but never complaining. (Now, the kids do private lessons together because there is less risk for "flight" with Rylee and Carter loves the water... life is good!)

And Toy Story ... oh the Toy Story gang! He loved them then... and he still loves them now!

"See how silly Mr. Potato Head looks with his arm sticking out of his head!"

"Buzz Lightyear, to the rescue!" (This was the very first Buzz Lightyear we got him for Christmas 2009. Since then, he's gotten 3 more, because of course you need the one that doesn't talk but his wings pop out, the one that literally has a conversation with Woody when you put them face to face, and the one that has a really cool belt. Seriously, no Toy Story toy fanatic can be without!)

Oh, and thank goodness for pictures, because I forgot about this smaller Buzz Lightyear... so make that 4 more Buzzes since Christmas 2009! Oh, but wait... what about the miniature Buzz that is on a keychain? Or the little Buzz that came with the Toy Story book? I give up. We've obviously lost count.

"Don't think that just because I'm in the tub that I can't still get you with my Buzz Lightyear lazer!"

"And here are my MUSCLES!" (Again, muscles look bigger and are definitely stronger if he twists his tongue and sticks it out a bit.)

"Mom, I'll smile for you... but don't expect me to take my eyes off the TV show I'm watching."

"A bucket of snow. It's really not very exciting, Mom, but I assume since you have your camera out you want me to hold it up and smile for you. There ya go."

Oh the paci... sometimes, I actually miss trying to find one. I'm still waiting to move a shelf or clean under something that hasn't been cleaned under for 3 years and find one. I have a feeling I will get a little teary-eyed.

* * * * *

Tonight Jeremy and I went to the basketball games at the high school. After watching Jordyn play, we stayed for the Boys' Varsity game to watch her boyfriend play . Ahem... anyway, it was hard not to wonder where we'll be with Carter in 12 years. I was trying to picture him out on the court...(if he chooses to play basketball, of course.) And when one of the players didn't do so well, and the coach sort of got after him about it, I pictured it being Carter and then I realized that I didn't want anyone to talk to Carter like that, so I decided that Carter couldn't be in basketball... or football... or any sport in which he might make a mistake and a coach might get after him about it. (Okay, so that might be a bit unrealistic.) Then I looked at some of the moms of the boys playing, and I thought to myself, "What kind of mom will I be to a high school boy? Will I be "cool" or incredibly annoying in his eyes? Will I know how to help raise the kind of boy we want to raise? Will I know that I shouldn't be wearing those kind of boots because I'd look like I was trying to be 17? " After feeling quite nervous and unprepared for raising a son for nearly a quarter of the basketball game, I realized that I was simply at a basketball game, and that Carter was 4.

I guess that's what the next 12 years are going to do for me... they will get me ready for it.

And when I feel as though I have no idea what I'm doing, I will remember that no one does.

And when I feel as though I have it all together, I will remember that we all do.

And somehow, we will have raised a son that we are incredibly proud of... and if he chooses to play basketball, I will be in the stands, cheering him on and planning a phone call to the coach to request that he not "get after" Carter about a mistake he made in the game. (Yeah, I'm sure that would make me a really "cool" mom.)

For now, I'll forget about 12 years from now.

I'll just go home and cuddle our 4-year-old. Because, right now, to him, I am "cool."

And he's pretty darn "cool" to me, too.