"Please don't lick the mirror."
"Why is there cereal in Zoe's dog dish?"
"Please put that back. Lipstick is for Mommies to wear on their lips -- it's not for your cheeks."
"We don't eat cotton balls.... well, then go brush your teeth."
"Is that mascara on your lips?"
"Please get Buzz Lightyear out of the floor vent."
"Dogs don't need lotion. Did you try to put some on her through the kennel door?"
Please tell me you've heard yourself saying things like this.